Episode #3 of America's Next Top Model...the Makeovers!

Every once in awhile shows do things that confuse me. This episode opened up with some store they claimed was Wal-Mart, but there wasn't garbage all over the floor in every isle and the shelves were not a total mess. So, they were either operating in a fake Wal-Mart or in some store that had yet to open up for business.

The models all had to do a quick makeup job on themselves at the store, winner gets a photo on WalMart.com and in the store displays nationally. Nice prize. Claire was deemed the winner for her ability to use the Covergirl makeup without looking like she caked it on with a spatula. Fatima did the worst job, somehow turning herself an odd shade of purple.

Back at the house, Lauren is worried about her performance since she doesn't know how to wear makeup or shoes or etc...
Allison is telling us how fantastic she is and how there is no chance she will be eliminated.
Fatima is calling Allison fat even as some of the other girls object to Fatima's claims that her butt is smaller than Allison's.

So, basically, we establish early on in the episode that one of these three models will go home.

Every once in awhile shows do more things that confuse me. Allison is shown playing with a Barbie doll and the show actually blurrs out Barbie's naked butt. Remember Cycle One of America's Next Top Model when the real models showed their butts? Now, this show is so pathetically over-censored than the 10in. high plastic doll needs to be blurred? What is this world coming to?

Ah well, no one cares about such things so I will now review the models:

Tyra starts off the makeover by explaining to the models that she will not explain to them beforehand what is going to happen to them. Um...ok.
After the makeovers, the models do a photoshoot on a ferry near the Brooklyn Bridge before going to judging panel.

Lauren: since she is 'weird' her makeover is to try and make her look like a 'normal girl'. She gets longer red/blonde hair and comes away looking quite nice. She is a bit awkward at the photoshoot, but ends up with a great picture (awkward works for her as her leg pose is 'high fashion') and is called out first at eliminations. People hoping for Lauren to be sent home soon are going to be disappointed for a long time to come.

Marvita: she gets a 'horse mane' hair makeover so that she now has a really long Mohawk instead of a short one; just like a horse’s tail. This new hair should give her a lot of versatility. She also does a great job at the photoshoot and Jay Manuel likes her overall look at the shoot best.

Aimee: she gets red, red hair. She looks great. She shows up at judging wearing a pinkish-red top that does not go well with her hair, but her new look still impresses the judges. Every episode Aimee surprises me because she doesn't look like the same person from one scene to the next.

Claire: The side of her head was already shaved from a bodycasting gone bad before the show started, so they shave the other side of her head, take the top down to almost nothing, and dye it platinum blonde. Basically, she got the Jay Manuel cut without the frosted tips. Looks good, though, and seems to fit her personality.

Stacy-Ann: She is the one heard whining for Tyra not to shave her head, so naturally, her hair is cut short and made spikey. She looked very much like former winner Danielle afterwards. Her photo was the worst one again this week, in my opinion, but she was still safe at judging. Side note: Tyra did a fantastic Stacy-Ann voice impersonation.

Fatima: Every year some model is given a weave that makes her cry. This season, Fatima is the 'head' drama queen as she explains that the weave hurts worse than anything she has ever felt. This statement from the model whose platform is about female genital mutilation? She also claims that the weave makes her really feel her ‘East African-ness’. I guess most East African women have long, straight hair? At panel, Fatima is criticized for only modeling from the waist up and having no idea what to do with her legs. Given how short she is, the only reason she is still around is for the drama and the ‘platform’. She is not a ‘Top Model’.

Anya: She is made platinum blonde so that her accent seems even more surreal. She does mediocre work at the photo shoot and I don't think her new hair looks good on her at all. Still, she does ok for the judges.

Whitney: She is also given a blonde weave. What is with all the blonde hair makeovers this season? At the photo shoot, which features Elle McPherson lingerie, she is dressed in more clothing than when she arrived for the photo shoot. Tyra claim at panel that the fashion approach was all wrong, but I can't help but think that someone at the shoot felt it was better to cover up all that extra skin. No matter, Whitney is stiff at the photo shoot anyway and definitely forgettable.

Katarzyna: She is the one model given darker hair. It looks good on her, but her final photo is criticized for looking like a mail-order bride pinup. The photographer even admits to sometimes thinking with something other than his brain when taking photos. Ah well, better to be ‘hot’ than ‘not so hot’.

Amis: Another long, blonde hair makeover; not platinum, but more of a dirty blonde. She is quite awkward at the photo shoot and barely escapes the bottom 2 at panel.

Dominique: Her hair is chopped short, just above shoulder length and dyed a flat brown. She looks horribly old with this makeover and it lands her in the bottom 2 at judging. The judges state that she looks like a catalog model. Given her age and overly sculpted facial look, she should take that as a compliment. At least it means she has a shot at being a working model. Ultimately, she is spared with a promise from Tyra to redo the hair in the color Tyra originally wanted...tune in next week.

Allison: Her hair was lightened considerably and, quite frankly, she looked better before the makeover. She spent the whole episode telling us how she wasn’t in danger of elimination, so we knew she was in trouble. The judges say the same thing at panel that Jay Manuel said during the photo shoot: Allison is overly posing and doesn't look natural. Ultimately, she was eliminated for not genuflecting properly to the judging panel. They wanted to hear her say 'thank you', not 'I know' when complimented. Being a pain in the ass around the house is ok, but bringing that attitude to panel gets you eliminated. Bye-bye Allison.

I liked the episode, but it could have used more Elle McPherson and more Paulina Porizkova.

So many weaves, too few beers

Seriously. It looked like every other girl got a weave, and it didn't help half of them, in my opinion.

I think the Chinese gov't demanded the Barbie's butt be blurred, because it says "Made in China" there.

Lauren: Got the most modelly looks in photos now, but can she learn the ways of modeling?

Marvita: I called her mane a Mullet. WTF?

Aimee: probably one of the best makeovers this season

Claire: Shorn and bleached is an ABOMINATION on her! Luckily, she seems to be handling it well. She next needs to get a new wardrobe

Stacy-Ann: Her haircut is almost as bad as Salisha's from last cycle

Fatima: The sooner she's off, the better

Anya: The blonde hair is incongrus to me It doesn't work

Whitney: Weved and bleached was the exact opposite of what she needed. This show does not understand plus-models. But I've said that many times.

Katarzyna: Weird that the photog said he was thinking with his 'other' brain. One of the better makeovers

Amis: Bad makeover and bad photo shoot, but a nice smile

Dominique: Too old and too mommy. She doesn't have a chance

Allison: Number one rule of ANTM - Kiss the Judges butts, and give another to Miz Tyra. She failed utterly.

And does Elle McPherson live in a freezer? She practically looks just like she did on those SI Swimsuit issues, and I can testify that I still have them. Does your lingere have a catalogue?